1) Being condescending, sarcastic, or contemptuous toward your partner:

2) Failing to intentionally appreciate his/her unique talents and contributions:

3) Criticizing or emasculating your man (Gottman):

4) Stonewalling, avoiding, or ignoring your woman (Gottman):

5) Mentioning that she must be on her period in the middle of an argument. Men, just don’t.

6) Being defensive instead of honoring the other person’s perspective (Gottman):

7) Not being direct about your feelings and needs. Like this:

8) Waiting for your partner to change before you change.

9) Letting yourself go instead of striving to continue to look and feel attractive. It’s all about the effort:

10) Holding grudges instead of intentionally focusing on something else. (Preferably appreciation and positives, but sometimes a sandwich does the trick):

11) Wives, starting conversations with complaints and accusations instead of feelings and solutions. (Gottman observed better relationship outcomes when females initiated conflict resolution a certain way.)

12) Husbands, not being amenable to your wive’s requests and needs (another Gottman finding).

Bonus tip: (Ahhh, Will Farrell, we could take more than a couple tips from you. Gottman found that happy couples often use humor to de-escalate- More specifically, the woman using humor to de-escalate the man was a great sign):

Don’t feel like smiling all the time? Seek the loving comfort of your sweet and compassionate partner: