I was thrilled that Jaclyn Weatherhead wrote this article on my favorite subject ever: Validation (the idea that your feelings and behaviors are understandable and worthy of acceptance). All the girls in my teen girls group will let you know that “Dr. Shiels is obsessed with having us validate ourselves.” :-). So I was super excited when Jaclyn let me put her thoughts on my blog:
Everyone has done this from time to time, some more than others: Seek validation. If not, well that might be a bigger problem because when we care, we seek from others the same in return. Why is it though, that when we do not get the same in return we feel resentment, hurt, and even ANGER!
That is because we are possibly seeking validation from the wrong sources. Becoming more aware of why we seek validation from others is the first step in changes those feelings of negativity when we are not returned the favor for our “caring behaviors”.
The point is clear “seek validation from yourself” or you may just be barking up the wrong tree…
Asking others to validate your self worth is not going to be fulfilling in the long run. Not only is it unfair to expect others to fill a void that they cannot, it is also setting yourself up for continued disappointment and needless suffering.
The key to healing this need for “external validation” is to realize that you are the secret to this hidden dimension. Your self worth, your self image, your self LOVE, is what is most likely screaming for attention and validation, and it is yourself that can only truly provide it. So looking elsewhere is just like my big ol’ puppy barking up a tree for a squirrel that is just not there…
Where do you seek validation?
Practice by setting a daily intention to believe you are already whole, you are already enough, you are already loved, you are already____________.
Jaclyn Weatherhead is a licensed clinical professional counselor. She is passionate about helping other’s discover how to live the life they find true to themselves. In other words, uncover your strengths and find new perspective. Turn your focus from what you think is wrong with you, to what is right with you. Each life is a precious individual journey, filled with joy, pain, and growth. Healing the “whole” person is the meaning of holistic healing. It is the journey of realizing there is nothing wrong with you in the first place.<