Behold, my sloppy attempt to capture a dynamic I see EXTREMELY OFTEN in therapy, where a “crazy” person is not really crazy at all and a “neglectful” person is not really a narcissist at all, AND the whole misguided cycle of defenses-and-habits can be stopped in its tracks…

 AND BOOM!  I mean obviously it is not all that simple, and there are various methods of delivering nudges toward understanding, accepting unchangeable things, and personal accountability during distress. However, I think this messy little comic hit on the fact that the HARDEST part is not the “learning of the behaviors, regulation, and communication strategies,” but is rather the WILLINGNESS to execute the skills when there is resentment and entitlement/“righteous anger” in the mix….

Obviously, if this is you, find a good couples therapist who will both validate each person’s misguided defenses AND hold each person accountable to challenging those defenses (with systematic behavioral tweaks that actually feel achievable!?)!!