This post is a protest to my 13-year old nephew who instructed me to “Never ever say ‘like a boss.’ Never. Ever. Lame.”

1. Handle, “But I don’t wanna gooooo! I’m playing with Jumpy!” like a boss. (“Here. Take Jumpy in the car. And, remember, if you let him out while Mommy’s driving, Mommy’s doing the thing where she turns-up Run DMC to drown out your screams. *insert sweet empathic smile*”)

2. Handle toddler’s refusal to wear shoes like a boss. (“Praise the lord Mommy’s not pregnant so she can actually pick you up without back injury. Health codes don’t apply to 2-year-olds, right?”)

3. Handle pre-schooler who desperately needs a nap like a boss. (“Here, pretend mommy’s purse is a pillow. Watch out for the lipstick jamming into your cranium! There. Isn’t that comfy?”)

4. Handle teenager complaining of headache like a boss. (“There, just kick back and pretend you’re in the comfort of your own living room. And this 65-ounce, styrofoam tub of caffeine should really help the temple-throbbing.)

5. Handle complaints of hunger during crunch-time like a boss. (“Who wants to stop to eat when we can have a cart picnic. Isn’t this fun and sanitary?”)

6. Handle no room left in the cart like a boss. (“Oooh, what a cool fort!”)

7. Offer bribes/reward for good behavior like a boss. (“You’re tired of walking? Walk a little further and I’ll give you four pounds of sugar. That should help with your energy level too.”)

8. Change disgusting diaper of toddler while he stands up in the trunk like a boss. (A scene no one wants to see)

9. Entertain all four boys on car ride like a boss with some pretty impressive freestyle rap. (Nephew comments that I am a “by far” better rapper than his mom. Jen, the trick is to use the beat from “Boys in the Hood” the whole time.)

…. Although my 2-year-old who rarely talks did open his mouth to say, “stop singing, mommy.”… So maybe that part wasn’t so much like a boss.