Buy My Crap (A FB Sale Group)

Disclaimer added after I realized how this comes across: If you know me, you know two things about me. 1) That my favorite article ever is the mc sweeny’s “it’s gourd season motherf*ckers” and 2) I lovingly make fun of a lot of things (not people) I love. Such as the leggings I am wearing AT. tHIS. mOMENT. So happy reading and please don’t take this too seriously! ♥️♥️♥️
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 Group Description: Here at FooFoo Toe, our motto is: Buy my cheap sh*t so my kid can get some braces. Even though you are too old to have little flamingos shalacked to your thighs, I want your money. ❤ ❤ ❤ (heart, heart, heart.)
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The Blanche and the Martha
$1,700

Location: Under a picnic table, in the fetal Position at Your Family Reunion

The Blanche is good for wearing on hot days because, unlike other FooFoo products, very little cameltoe. The Martha is a beautiful cardigan that is too tight for me to actually wear, but I’m expecting it to eventually stretch out like all the other foofoo products. First to say “mine” in the comments gets it. Don’t let this ensemble pass you by, ladies.

foofoo blanche.jpg
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FooFoo Toe’s Breakfast Butter (copyright, trademark 2016)

$60,000
Location: Under a doily, in a refrigerator in Georgia

Check out Darla’s amazing results using our new topical eye cream. And bonus, all of our products are so organic and natural that you can spread them right on your gluten-free toast-shaped cardboard (or sprinkle it in your egg-white muscle-beauty shake, if you prefer) for extra flavor without the unsightly age-betraying calories. Don’t think you can afford Breakfast Butter (copyright, trademark 2016)? Sell your soul to Satan and alienate all of your social media acquaintances by becoming a consultant. You will receive a super secret discount once your indoctrination ceremony is complete and you have been bestowed the shower cap and knee-length robe of valor.

foofoo valor

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Launching FooFoo Toe’s Designer Jewelry line
$633
Location: That woman at Home Depot’s supple cleavage

Elegance and style meet understated utility. This particular piece is called “just the tip,” since its designer repeatedly asked me to apply gold to “just the tip.” Photo credit: FooFoo Fo-tography, copyright 2016

foofoo benny

Comments:

Helpful FooFoo Consultant:   “Just the Tip”: Offered after a night of drinking wine with your sweetheart, it’s the perfect gift to commemorate your wedding anniversary. And if you guys have children, also get the matching earrings called “hurry it up; Their cartoon is almost over.”

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“The Larry” by FooFoo Toe
$68
Location: Your husband’s dreams

I’m just hangin’ out, posing myself casually (so as to make you want my life and spend your money) while wearing fugly clothes. First to comment “mine” gets the Larry ensemble. It’s a FooFoo Toe size “spray paint” which is roughly equivalent to Xilleration size “small child tights”

foofoo leg

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“The Marlene” by FooFoo Toe
$94
Location: A sad suburban sidewalk where dreams go to die

Wear the Marlene on sophisticated occasions because color-print frocks are elegant AF. First to comment “mine” gets the Marlene. 30-something yr old white females in suburban Annapolis will also receive a set of fake pearl stud earrings with purchase.

foofoo frock
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Edible sex powder (copyright, trademark, patent pending)
$73,662
Location:  A basement in Michigan, under a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Blanket

 

This delicious meal-shake is packed with enough vitamins and minerals to transform your doughy body into a chick magnet like mine.

*Drink edible sex powder (copyright, trademark, patent pending) instead of eating and also exercise for two hours a day for optimal results.

foofoo sex powder

 

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