I say this all the time.
I am bad at keeping my facial expressions in check, so sometimes in therapy, I instinctually wince when someone in an incompatible relationship says something like “But we LOVE each other.”
Then I say something like, “Love is an overrated and undefined construct. Let’s talk about whether you respect, communicate-with, and legitimately enjoy each other’s company. Let’s talk about whether you bring out the best in each other and work as a team. Let’s talk about whether you share the same values. Let’s talk about whether or not you’d want to be around each other if you didn’t look so hot any more or if one of you got really sick… whether you’d find joy in doing mortgage paperwork or changing explosive diapers with each other, or at the very least not end up wanting to strangle each other….”
Yes, I am so unimpressed with the overused construct of “love,” that I even liberally suggest the book “Is it love or is it addiction?,” without skipping a beat.
Sincerely, a therapist who is not jaded about relationships at all, honest.
No, for real.
I love love. I just love respect and shared values and all that other stuff too.