One of my favorite bloggers, also a mom-psychologist, recently quelled a mother’s guilt about not constantly feeling endeared to her young children. The mom-blogger-psychologist admonished the mother to steer clear of seeking reassurance from her friends since unfortunately a lot of us moms tend to be “sanctimonious.”
(Whole post here: http://drsamantharodman.blogspot.com/2014/07/reader-q-stage-own-kidnapping.html?m=1)
And yes, I’ve noticed the sanctimonious thing too…
And so this post was inspired….
I have been to enough play dates with mothers of young children to notice that moms tend to fall into one of two categories: 1) lying through their teeth 2) totally shameless.
And it’s not just because I happen to be in the “shameless” camp that I assume moms are being less-than-forthcoming about their experiences with motherhood. Remember what I do for my paid job? I listen to parents tell me how it really is when all pretenses are dropped.
Here are some statements from the two types of moms:
1) On house-cleaning:
Lying mom: “I totally vacuum and swiffer three times a day. No, my kids don’t scream and stab me with plastic swords to get me to turn the loud vacuum off. And I don’t let my kids eat or drink anywhere besides the kitchen, so I am unfamiliar with the concepts of the ‘deadly-smelly-hidden-rotten-milk-sippy-cup’ or the ‘chocolate-on-the-wall-art-display.” Actually, I don’t let my kids eat chocolate anyway, and as far as the sippy-cup, I am effortlessly breastfeeding until the kids are five anyway.” (Never ever has a birthday party or play date at her house.)
Shameless mom: “Sure, you can come over, but first give me five minutes to at least make sure my undies are at the bottom of the living-room laundry pile. And hang on, I just need a second to throw some of these dirty dishes in the oven since the dishwasher has been full since last weekend. Vacuum? Ummm… You should probably just wear your shoes.”
2). On having a second child:
Lying mom: “Oh, it’s great. I just make sure to give Johnny special mommy time and use the baby sling while I make gourmet meals and use the tread-mill. Johnny just loves having a little broth—(Falls asleep mid-sentence. Other moms politely wipe drool from her chin as they think to themselves, “suuuuure, she totally seems like she has enough energy to go for a run.”)
Shameless mom: “Thank God for nursing pads because I haven’t changed my bra in five days. Where is Johnny anyway? Probably pooping in the corner. F#%* it. Potty training before baby comes is for show-offs. Maybe we’d get somewhere if I put a TV in the bathroom, since all Johnny has been doing for two weeks straight is watching daytime cartoons.”
3). On your marriage:
Lying mom: “My husband is just the best. Sometimes when I’m up with screaming baby in the middle of the night, I take a moment to gaze over at my slumbering sweetheart to appreciate how hard he works all day at his quiet office. I can’t wait to go in for my six-week post-partum check-up because I am dying to get back to our routine of sex twelve times a week.”
Shameless mom: “If that man tries to touch me while I’m trying to get some sleep, I’m gonna f#%*ing kick him so hard he won’t have to go in for his vascectomy appointment.”
4). On unconditional love of children:
Lying mom: “I cried when Johnny was born, heartwarming tears of awe and blinding love. That feeling still shines through in every interaction we have. Sometimes when he refuses to wear a pull-up to the dinner table and simultaneously throws lasagna at my face and pees on the chair, I can’t help but smile at his sweet innocence.”
Shameless mom: “I cried when Johnny was born. It f$&*ing hurt. I really do feel overwhelming love for my kids….when they are sleeping.”